


all things, to all people, all the time

by takiki16



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Identity Issues, M/M, Non-Comics Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:52:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1512887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takiki16/pseuds/takiki16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”Help me.”</p><p>“What do you need?”                                                                                    </p><p>“You were there.  You were with the Red Room.  They taught you things.”</p><p>“They did.  It still doesn’t answer the question.”</p><p>“How to…how to become someone else.  How to be anyone you want to be.  How to remake yourself.”</p><p>“I suppose you could call it that.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter.  You need to show me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	all things, to all people, all the time

He is brought in on a sunny day in Manhattan, all uncombed hair and feral eyes. Captain America breaks several dozen traffic laws rushing to the new, inefficient government building that was hastily outfitted to house the remaining fragments of what used to be SHIELD. He shouts himself hoarse at a long, long line of suits and brass, throws around phrases like _national hero_ and _brainwashing_ and _my best friend._ After what seems like years of medical testing and supervised visits and waiting anxiously on the two-way side of a one-way window, it is agreed that the Winter Soldier can be released into the protective custody of Steven Rogers: to be held at Stark Tower with appropriate safeguards and security.

Stark makes a joke about running a nursing home.

* * *

 

_“You,” he says. “You’ve been there.”_

_She nods. Those who were out in the cold together recognize its bite._

_“You got out. You…you…” His face grimaces unconsciously, words coming hard to someone who has used more bullets than sentences. “…you remember some. You understand.”_

_She nods again._

_“…How?”_

* * *

 

The Captain waits the bare minimum amount of time for national security to stop breathing down their necks, then starts taking the Winter Soldier out on the town. They canvass all the old haunts where Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers used to walk, go to visit what few people remain alive who are willing or able to see Captain America and his long dead friend. The Winter Soldier watches his guard more than the scenery, and with each passing week, the Captain grows more desperate and his smile grows more pleading.

“Right here, Bucky,” he said. “Right here. There used to be this great little ice cream shop, and once we had enough to go in and get one to share. And we brought them out in cones and we sat right here and…and…”

He breaks off, hand gesturing in frustrated, futile motions in the air. The Winter Soldier watches, with eyes that might be hungry or empty or confused or all at once.

“They changed it,” he says, with just the barest hint of a break in his voice. “It used to be…they’ve come in and remodeled everything, and if you could just see it how it was I know you would remember –“

And then the Captain is kissing him, soft and insistent, and the longer the Winter Soldier goes without responding the more he leans in, whispering soft “Bucky, c’mon, it’s me, it’s Steve, _please_.”

The kiss finally stops. The Captain looks at him with a face like an open wound, and then stands up and takes him back to the Tower. When they arrive he goes into his room and locks the door.

The Winter Soldier stares after him.

* * *

 

_”Help me.”_

_“What do you need?”_

_“You were there. You were with the Red Room. They taught you things.”_

_“They did. It still doesn’t answer the question.”_

_“How to…how to become someone else. How to be anyone you want to be. How to remake yourself.”_

_“I suppose you could call it that.”_

_“It doesn’t matter. You need to show me.”_

_“Why?”_

* * *

 

Two days after the kiss, Captain Rogers comes out to find the Winter Soldier, sitting at the kitchen table. He has his hands out in front of him, and when he raises his eyes to the Captain’s there is something in them.

“Take me back,” he says, harsh and uncertain. “Take me back to where we were.”

The Captain does. They sit on the same bench, across from the same bakery. The sun is bright.

“You and me…” the Winter Soldier pauses, swallows. “We were…together. We did that. Here. You said.”

“Yeah, Buck,” the Captain replies, like a secret. “The first time ever.”

The Winter Soldier stares out at the sunny street, and his eyes are awake.

“I remember,” he says. “I remember…something.”

The Captain’s smile is bright and blinding, and he reaches out a hand to put gingerly on the other’s shoulder.”

“That’s good, Bucky,” he chokes out. “That’s great. That’s just fine.”

* * *

 

_“The one he wants is dead. He has me, and he thinks he wants me.”_

_“He does. We did tests – Cap isn’t wrong. You are his friend – or you were.”_

_“Even if I was once, I’ll never be him again. I can’t. They took too much, but…”_

_“…but?”_

_“I…I want to be. I could be. I could become that, for him”_

_“It isn’t easy, if you haven’t done it before. It’s going to be harder like this, when it’s personal. Especially with Cap. And who knows – your memories may come back.”_

_“I don’t remember anything. I can’t…he takes me to places and shows me things, and I don’t feel anything. I should feel something. I should be better. Stronger.”_

_“None of it is your fault.”_

_“Doesn’t matter. He…when he looks at me like that. He shouldn’t look like that. I don’t want him to look…gone.”_

* * *

 

Bucky remembers more and more – big things, useful things. Natasha helps. The Captain knows he’ll probably never again be the Bucky Barnes of memory, but just having him here makes it bearable again.

“You used to be a lot smaller,” Bucky says softly, the shade of a grin on his face.”

“Yeah, well…so did you.” The grin is bigger this time, and the sun streams in through the windows.

* * *

 

_“Do you love him?”_

_“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can,anymore.”_

_“Could you let him die, to finish a mission?”_

_“…no.”_

_“It's enough.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from my tumblr at takiki16.


End file.
